In today’s second podcast mentoring conversation with Dean Hyers, co-founder of SagePresence (with Pete Machalek), we contemplate the question, how did he get to where he is at today? The prior mentoring conversation was about his upbringing and the tension between love, manhood, fatherhood, and ambition. The two topics of his investigative self-analysis process are interconnected to the title of this esisode, Am I Okay with My Amazing Plan B Life?

Five years into the process of acceptance. He is not the artist, film maker he set out to become. Being an attentive husband for 29-years has cultivated a deep excitement and connection together. You need to be creative to achieve that experience in your marriage! Raising two creative, well adjusted, and emotionally present boys takes a family commitment of time and energy. You also need to be flexible and creative in how you parent. 

Coming to terms with his amazing Plan B life means working through confusion and heartbreak, being vulnerable and patient. The artist within, his film maker identity, is not playing. He says, he doesn’t hear it any more. Is it sleeping or baggage to leave on the roadside? Is there still room for it, he asks himself.

A Man’s Value and a Woman’s Worth

What is a man’s value? This reminds me of a book I read by Marianne Williamson, A Woman’s Worth. I read it when I was sorting out the age-old question of who am I? At the time, I was in my thirties, not married, and childless. I felt I was fielding constant questions about my societal value. How come you aren’t married? Are you too picky? You are missing out. You would be a good mother, how come you don’t have children? Too selfish? Too career minded?

No is the answer to the above questions. It took me time to figure out who I was without being tied to someone else. I held myself accountable for my identity and creating value within myself. Could I stand alone and be enough? As it turns out, YES! When I answered that question in the affirmative I began to discover whom I would be compatible and released some of the crappy messaging and programming we have all grown up with that, upon reflection, doesn’t really matter.

I am thrilled to hear Dean describe his value. He didn’t allow others to define him or determine his worth. His motivation to produce has changed. You judge for yourself when you listen. I am so much more than I was because of this investigative process analysis, he infers. He has created his life.

We are not born knowing what we are made of. We need to get out into the world and develop our character through life exploration. Step by step. We discover our true essence.

This weird limbo could be his salvation, he explains. His opportunity to become who he is meant to be and finally shed what could have been. There is time to integrate his art in other facets of his work.

Have you ever felt like you missed the ship leaving the station, 5 or more times? Hear Dean’s expressive way of describing his journey toward self-acceptance. Download

Mentoring Tips

• Analyze what motivates you? Is it money, being productive, giving back, are you trying to prove something?
  • Once you realize what motivates you, ask the next question. Am I still motivated by it?

• Dean is letting go of the piece of his self-perception that no longer serves him. His film maker persona served him and motivated him to produce for a long period of time. He is letting go of that part of his identity which is creating space for something new.
  • Are you in a similar place? Then, begin to let go of what no longer serves you. See if there is room for a different way of being in the world. A fuller way of accepting all of who you are. Describe your value.

• Are you in the mist of sorting out your Plan B life? Are you in a different place than where you thought you would be at this point in your life?

• Recently, I saw the movie La La Land. The movie was amazing. The music. The dancing. The storyline. We were speechless at the end. Only a few days later could we talk about the movie content. We were not expecting the movie to be so thought provoking.
  • Choices about going after your dream and being practical in creating a life. Mia (Emma Stone) is an actress desiring to be a movie star. Sebastian (Ryan Gosling) is a jazz pianist who wants to open his own jazz bar.  A story about love and ambition and how their choices determined whether they built a life together or apart. I highly recommend seeing it especially if you are sorting out your Plan A life from your Plan B life.
• Join a one-year WeMentor Entrepreneurial Leadership and Mentoring LAB. Two LABS are forming; two different types of business owners. Go to https://wementor.com/e-l-m-labsmentoring/ for more information. Discover if you are ready to expand how you lead.

Am I Okay with My Amazing Plan B Life? Episode 59  www.sagepresence.com