An inner feeling of love bubbled up right before lunch. The lingering and sweetly satisfying feeling of connection. Where did it come from? Awe, yes, my thoughts turned to what I just listened to, a luscious conversation with Aneela Idnani and Sameer Kumar, co-founders of HabitAware. Today’s Guest Mentors. I am curious to know if you have a similar experience after listening to our podcast conversation about leading, parenting, and mentoring from a place of self-love. Let me know.
We start our conversation with a few definitions of self-love. My husband, Matthew Foli, and I took a self-compassion workshop from Kristin Neff, Ph.D., in 2019. Kristin is a pioneering self-compassion researcher and author (Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself). She has found that love, connection, and acceptance are our birthright.
Jeffrey Borenstein, M.D. has a standard definition of self-love. It is a “state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological, and spiritual growth. Self-love means having a high regard for your own well-being and happiness.”
Jeffrey goes on to write that “self-love means accepting yourself as you are in this very moment for everything you are. It means accepting your emotions for what they are and putting your physical, emotional, and mental well-being first. Self-love means taking care of your own needs and not sacrificing your well-being to please others.” This is the one I am going to master. My needs are as important as anyone else’s.
Aneela and Sameer apply these self-love definitions to their lives as entrepreneurial leaders, as a married couple, as parents, and as mentors. In last week’s conversation, Aneela described how her coping strategy to address anxiety, stress, loss, and boredom through hair pulling and eyebrow plucking evolved into a self-harming injurious habit that affects 1 in 20 people. Sameer had a kind intervention method with Aneela that initiated their search for a cure. Aneela found a name for her compulsive tendencies called body-focused repetitive behavior known as BFRB (self-grooming routines that become injurious habits of hair pulling, skin picking, and nail-biting). After trying methods that didn’t curb the compulsion, Aneela and Sameer invented something that would work for Aneela and others.
Self-love is at the heart of Sameer and Aneela’s focus in inventing KEEN, a smart bracelet, and selling it through their business entity, HabitAware. KEEN tracks hand movements helping the sufferer of BFRB build self-awareness and gain control over their compulsive habit. KEEN2 is out on the market right now. Aneela talks about what is new and how people use the smart bracelet, including her own use. DOWNLOAD
Perfectionism and putting higher regard on another’s well-being than your own are enemies that can show up on your path toward self-love. Putting in place regular daily routines of self-care can make perfectionism and meeting others’ needs before your own uninteresting.
One way to understand self-love is to reflect on your family of origin. Were your birthright needs for love, connection, and acceptance met? Were those needs as important as everyone else’s in your family?
Below are other questions Sameer and Aneela answer as we explore self-love:
- When would you say you each learned about self-love?
- What are your self-loving habits?
- How do you support the practice of self-love in relationships?
- With yourself
- With each other
- With your children
- With those you lead and mentor
- What are the benefits you experience in practicing self-love every day?
- How do you show up with self-love when you lead? What does that look like?
- Do you have complementary strengths? What are they?
- How do you come together to take financial risks to grow your business? What is your approach in handling personal and business finances?
- What are you looking forward to this year?
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Episode Resources
Conscious Attentive Leadership Mentoring
After listening, do the following three C.A.L.M. Activities:
- Take this risk: At this moment, accept yourself. Start by recognizing where you are on the self-harming spectrum. Whether you are talking smack to yourself constantly or judging yourself infrequently. Acknowledge it. Investigate to understand it. Ask yourself what initiated the self-harmfest.
- Apply Self-Compassion: Reinforce the self-learning awareness from taking the risk to accept yourself by nurturing yourself. Sit comfortably. Relax your eyes into a soft focus. Tell yourself out loud or in a whisper, “I appreciate noticing when I started self-harming. I understand what prompted this self-harming voice of negativity and judgment. I release the self-harming voice at this moment. I love myself. I am taking care of myself. I have enough courage to meet my needs, care for myself, and set healthy boundaries. I appreciate who I am. I accept who I am. I love who I am. When I notice the self-harming beginning again, I will practice critical awareness and take the risk to get back on track. I circle myself with others who practice self-love. I can reach out to get help.” Relax for another minute or so. Gently open your eyes. Enjoy the flood of self-respect that comes from self-loving practices. Carry on with your day. Return to take this risk when the self-harmfest heats up again.
- Welcome Appreciation: “I appreciate being able to share the H.A.L.T. acronym I use every day. To stop when I am hungry, angry, lonely, and tired. Taking a moment to acknowledge where I am, empowers me to insert love, care, and kindness in the next words I use. I appreciate the love and mutual admiration I felt during and after my conversation with Aneela and Sameer.”
Your Turn. Start with I appreciate…
“Emotional sickness is avoiding reality at any cost. Emotional health is facing reality at any cost.” – M. SCOTT PECK.
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Podcast Guest Mentors
Sameer Kumar 
is CEO and co-founder of HabitAware, a maker of technology solutions for mental health conditions. His professional interests are in creating evidence-based solutions that are novel, accessible, and affordable. HabitAware has been recognized as a Time Magazine Best Invention and holds SBIR research grants from the National Institutes of Health and the National Science Foundation. As an Applied Physics & Economics major at Yale and Wharton MBA, Sameer is data-driven, analytical, and visionary. His investment analysis, management consulting, and corporate strategy work lent themselves to leading the HabitAware business. Sameer was named a “35 and under Young Professional” by Minnesota Business Magazine. His favorite activities are cooking, skiing, and playing legos with his two young sons. Sameer is driven by the positive change he has seen in his wife, Aneela. About Keen by HabitAware
Aneela Idnani (Kumar) is Co-Founder & Marketing/Design Lead at Minneapolis-based HabitAware. HabitAware is a mental health tech startup and TIME Magazine Best Invention. HabitAware’s flagship product, Keen, is a patented smart bracelet that uses patented gesture detection technology to bring awareness to – and control over – hair pulling, skin picking, and nail-biting, issues that negatively impact more than 20M Americans. Growing up with hair-pulling disorder (trichotillomania), Aneela is now an outspoken mental health advocate, raising awareness of these prevalent yet unknown conditions. Aneela is a first-generation South Asian American, an author, TEDx speaker, and a “40 Under 40” leader named by the Minneapolis St. Paul Business Journal. Aneela also serves on the advisory boards of BETA, LaunchMN, We Dance for Change, and The International Obsessive Compulsive Disorder Foundation (IOCDF) Twin Cities Chapter. As a native New Yorker, Aneela proudly calls Minneapolis home and spends her free time creating art and playing with her two young kids. Reviews
Episode 264: Leading with Self-Love
Author: Nancy A. Meyer, M.A.
Nancy A. Meyer, M.A., is a seasoned entrepreneurial leader, business and life mentor/coach/teacher, podcaster, author, and certified mindfulness yoga and meditation integrator (she integrates those skill sets into everything). Nancy’s compassionate and collaborative approach reinforces resilience while maintaining accountable conversations supporting how you redefine your lead while redesigning your business. Nancy calls this “Dual Innovation Leadership.” Nancy founded WeMentor, inc. in 1992 to change the leadership in our country by providing emerging and existing business owners with mentoring in Dual Innovation Leadership. She has mentored thousands and is eager to work with you! Assert self-leadership and get started today! Clients say, “Nancy is a compelling, engaging, and ‘decipher the trees from the forest’ kind of mentor, speaker, and leader. A dedicated entrepreneurial leader and mentor who role models what she preaches. Her style and candor enrich the content she delivers and the results clients experience.” Nancy accepts people where they are while inspiring them to breakthrough into new dimensions: As an Entrepreneurial Leader (Innovator), As a Competent Business Owner (Practitioner) As a Mentor (Role Model) As a Spiritual Being and Self-Leadership Master! Start by subscribing to WeMentor Mondays with Nancy PODCAST. Join your peers and...
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