Jeffrey Borenstein, M.D.  has a standard definition of self-love. It is a “state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological, and spiritual growth. Self-love means having a high regard for your own well-being and happiness.”

Jeffrey goes on to write that “self-love means accepting yourself as you are in this very moment for everything you are. It means accepting your emotions for what they are and putting your physical, emotional, and mental well-being first. Self-love means taking care of your own needs and not sacrificing your well-being to please others.” This is the one I am going to master. My needs are as important as anyone else’s.

Aneela and Sameer apply these self-love definitions to their lives as entrepreneurial leaders, as a married couple, as parents, and as mentors. In last week’s conversation, Aneela described how her coping strategy to address anxiety, stress, loss, and boredom through hair pulling and eyebrow plucking evolved into a self-harming injurious habit that affects 1 in 20 people. Sameer had a kind intervention method with Aneela that initiated their search for a cure. Aneela found a name for her compulsive tendencies called body-focused repetitive behavior known as BFRB (self-grooming routines that become injurious habits of hair pulling, skin picking, and nail-biting). After trying methods that didn’t curb the compulsion, Aneela and Sameer invented something that would work for Aneela and others.

Self-love is at the heart of Sameer and Aneela’s focus in inventing KEEN, a smart bracelet, and selling it through their business entity, HabitAware. KEEN tracks hand movements helping the sufferer of BFRB build self-awareness and gain control over their compulsive habit. KEEN2 is out on the market right now. Aneela talks about what is new and how people use the smart bracelet, including her own use. DOWNLOAD

Perfectionism and putting higher regard on another’s well-being than your own are enemies that can show up on your path toward self-love. Putting in place regular daily routines of self-care can make perfectionism and meeting others’ needs before your own uninteresting.

One way to understand self-love is to reflect on your family of origin. Were your birthright needs for love, connection, and acceptance met? Were those needs as important as everyone else’s in your family?

Below are other questions Sameer and Aneela answer as we explore self-love:

• When would you say you each learned about self-love?
• What are your self-loving habits?

• How do you support the practice of self-love in relationships?
  • With yourself
  • With each other
  • With your children
  • With those you lead and mentor

• What are the benefits you experience in practicing self-love every day?
• How do you show up with self-love when you lead? What does that look like?
• Do you have complementary strengths? What are they?
• How do you come together to take financial risks to grow your business? What is your approach in handling personal and business finances?
• What are you looking forward to this year?