We use a familiar tool to guide our conversation. The chart below lists the seven universal human needs included so you can easily follow our chat. You can complete the exercise in its entirety HERE.

The purpose of this WeMentor Universal Human Needs Exercise is to expand ‘relational literacy’ and facilitate your ability to nurture resilient relationships. Today we compare her first year to her sophomore year at college, what she is learning, and the feelings of isolation that linger entering the spring semester. We always begin with a self-focus.

Asserting self-leadership positions us to increase our influence with others because we operate from a place of integrity, a knowingness about ourselves. This comes from learning how to meet your needs consistently. Knowing how to meet our needs and enjoy the feelings accompanying those met needs, like being affectionate, engaged, confident, grateful, and refreshed, incentivizes us to meet those needs regularly. And we can readily identify feelings like fear, annoyance, sadness, confusion, anger, and anxiousness that surface when needs go unmet. Knowing this empowers us to regularly assert meeting our needs because we like and trust how we feel.

You can hear how empowered Olivia feels in the strength of her voice and knowingness as she describes challenges she is overcoming. She is a source of inspiration to Matthew and me.

Other topics we explore regarding how Olivia meets her needs include:

• The challenging part of being brave and dealing with uncertainty.
• Cooking for herself and a buddy system APP with roommates.
• Olivia’s definition of failure and changing majors.

• Her best experiences ever!

• Keeping confidences and building trusting relationships.
• What does Olivia understand about meaning, purpose, lifework, and what is left to figure out?
• Inspirations for joy, peace, and beauty.

If you are parenting a teenager, the research tells us our self-esteem can take a dive as the focus on how we parent intensifies. It is a normal aspect in individuating, forming a separate identity from those who raised them. This tool can help you talk more openly to build a stronger sense of self from a self-compassionate perspective. Especially when the dynamic of power shifts, it is an indication that you are moving into new territory. To shift together and re-establish harmony, we need heart conversations and a different approach to ensuring your needs and theirs are being met. An approach you can co-create.

Self-knowledge releases the propensity to meet our needs unconsciously or through competitive behaviors. Our emotional safety increases, and we take risks to nurture healthy relating. Over time, and with practice, expressing healthy ways of meeting our needs strengthens our connections. I emphasize ‘over time and practice’ because naming your feelings and identifying which needs are being met and which aren’t takes conscious effort and awareness.

From self-awareness and a place of integrity, others’ needs can be noticed and met. Self-awareness can expand our proficiency as a parent and leaders as we accurately encourage others to meet their needs. We become allies for one another and express ourselves with ease. We co-create a more profound connection by initiating heart/hard conversations.

A sign that change is upon us is when the equilibrium gets off-kilter. Our philosophy is to hang in there, no matter what, and stay curious about what we can learn about ourselves and each other. Not easy, but necessary in healthy relating, promoting resiliency, and living harmoniously with others. This exercise has helped Olivia, Matthew, and I stay connected while figuring out our strong feelings, especially when our connection with each other is challenged/disrupted.

We start with how Olivia nurtures connections with family, roommates, and new and old friends. The UW-Madison women’s rowing team has helped her sense of belonging and working toward individual and team goals. We explore her sense of stability, safety, and security and where her sense of humor comes from. I found myself on the edge of my chair, nervous in anticipation for her answer to whether she had felt seen and heard.

A key to unlocking how you are developing a culture of belonging is to ask those in it if they feel a sense of belonging. If they don’t feel a sense of belonging, do this WeMentor Universal Human Needs Exercise and assert a heartfelt conversation on what needs to change.

F.Y.I. “Relational literacy is the ability to understand and express healthy ways of relating: as social groups, as individuals, to animals and the environment, and even to ourselves. Our errors are our teachers; they guide us toward greater proficiency and greater awareness, says psychologist, international speaker, and bestselling author of six books, Melanie Joy, Ph.D. In her book, Getting Relationships Right: How to Build Resilience and Thrive in Life, Love, and Work, Melanie writes, “what matters most in this process is how we relate to our mistakes. Even a slight increase in relational literacy can lead to significant improvement.”

Today’s exercise is a step in the right relational direction. Listen to part two of our insightful and inspiring conversation. DOWNLOAD

Next Step after listening: complete the following C.A.L.M. activities.