Conscious Attentive Leadership Mentoring
After listening, do these three C.A.L.M. Activities:
Take this risk or do this adventurous task: Bring awareness to relating and interacting with others this week. Turn your focus inward and ask yourself, do I feel emotionally connected and secure with the person I am talking with?
While interacting, notice any physical changes like your breathing, pulse increase, eyes hardening or softening, or tone of voice change. Is someone morally superior? Or, are you noticing a calm and relaxed manner and demeanor where you feel there is nothing to protect, no armor needed to defend yourself, or a need for them to armor up with you?
You can use an ‘I’ statement and any other tip for healthy expression Melanie mentioned. Effective communication is nonviolent and non-harming, with each party leaving the conversation feeling understood and heard, even if you have different beliefs. There is no hierarchy of needs, just an equal desire to have a secure connection. The main question is, what is the relationship underneath the beliefs? In connected and secure relating, you can agree to disagree and build upon healthy relating by practicing integrity and honoring each other’s dignity.
Apply Self-Compassion: After each interaction, appreciate the risk and focus it took to maintain a healthy conversation and acknowledge feelings. Identify how you felt during and after the exchange. Let go of residual emotions and decide how you want to ‘do better or ‘change up the next interaction. Mistakes are part of a healthy related practice.
Welcome Appreciation: “I appreciate Melanie. I appreciate what it takes for Melanie to create a global movement. I appreciate the role modeling of healthy relating Melanie and Sebastian do as world leaders. I appreciate our daughter, Olivia, and her commitment—and as an extension, our commitment—to veganism. A change we made this year. I appreciate journeying toward healthy relating all the time and participating in this global movement to move out of the dark ages.”
Your Turn. Start with, “I appreciate Dr. Melanie Joy and this week’s adventurous task because… I appreciate my ability to show up and be present. I appreciate practicing healthy relating, etc.”
“Most of the problems in our lives and world are caused by relational dysfunction, a dysfunction in how we relate: as social groups, as individuals, to animals and the environment, and even to ourselves. Therefore, developing relational literacy—the understanding of and ability to practice healthy ways of relating—is essential for personal, social, and ecological transformation.” —Melanie Joy, psychologist, author, theorist, educator
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