Episode Notes

I find inspiration in artists and musicians, especially during times of growth. Playing piano and journaling helps me express my emotions and relieve stress. How do you find inspiration during times of transition?

As I was getting ready to talk about the importance of self-respect, I decided to dance to the songs Respect by Aretha Franklin and Respect Yourself by The Staple Singers. You might too.

Why is respecting oneself essential for leadership growth?

Respect for ourselves and others is crucial for personal identity and healthy relating. It becomes even more critical as leaders because we set an example for those around us. If we don’t have self-respect, we may allow others to cross our boundaries and take unnecessary risks. This can hinder our growth as leaders and damage our relationships.

Respect has a give-n-take element to it that researchers refer to as reciprocity. We speak kindly to one another, and they are more inclined to talk kindly back. If we respond defensively in a conversation, the other person might match or elevate the intensity of the conversation.

When we respect ourselves, we set boundaries, communicate our needs clearly, and let others know our expectations. If there is a conflict or misunderstanding, effort is put toward understanding each other and talking openly about what we are experiencing. This may involve apologizing and starting the conversation again with a clear mindset. Ultimately, respect is a crucial factor in personal identity and interpersonal relationships.

How can business owners create a healthy work environment?

A business owner must create a healthy work environment based on respect. This means open communication and setting boundaries, rules, and limits to demonstrate respect by showing people you care. Honoring one’s dignity and acting with integrity to foster emotional security and connection among employees is another way to express respect.

Roles may be fluid in small businesses, so sharing power and empowering others to act positively is vital. I’ve learned that joining together to solve a problem works better than attacking each other. Think us against the problem.

Encouraging a mentoring culture within a small team can lead to a more cohesive and interconnected working environment. This could mean teaching and learning each other’s roles and responsibilities, creating opportunities to develop respect further. Ideas could be generated that improve teamwork and morale.

In contrast, leading with a fixed mindset where roles and rules are unchanging can stifle innovation and respect, ultimately leading to an unhappy team and difficulty meeting individual needs. To overcome this, try being flexible and open to feedback. Create a mentoring environment to keep the focus on learning. Everyone can make mistakes and quickly learn while working to keep more revenue coming in than what is going out.

The leaders I collaborate with are eager to learn how to foster healthy relationships in their workplaces and families, creating open systems. When change is necessary, I encourage my clients to take a step back, reflect, learn, and adapt.

How I took a step back, reflected, learned, and adapted.

Recently, I had three wake-up calls that prompted me to pause and reflect. I spent time exploring how I was not valuing myself and putting others in danger. I experienced a range of emotions as I had an epiphany. I identified the root cause of my need for speed and experimented with driving within the speed limit. Once I found the trigger for my adrenaline rush, I was able to confidently commit to respecting the rules of the road, thus respecting myself and not endangering others.

The three wake-up calls started with a speeding ticket, followed by catching the flu, and then encountering a mishap with a web designer that almost resulted in the destruction of my wementor.com website. These events were disruptive enough to make me wonder what was going on in my unconscious mind. I found myself asking, “What is happening to me?”

I managed to restore my website and recovered from the flu quickly. However, I realized that I had to do some introspection to understand why I was putting myself and others in danger by driving recklessly and over-speeding. I paid a fine of $250 for driving 86 miles per hour, after which I delved into my past to understand when my need for speed began.

I remember following my older brother during a snowstorm in my late teens. He modeled recklessness for me and endangered his life and mine many times. It didn’t take much since all six of us siblings felt devalued. We were raised in a closed, oppressive family system. Acting out our abuse was common.

Mark told me to follow him on this particular day with blizzard conditions. I don’t remember why we were even driving in a blizzard—another reckless trauma-inducing adventure. We were traveling on Hwy—94 toward Sauk Centre, MN. He told me to keep up with him, so I did.

He moved into the fast lane and began passing cars one after another, driving faster than everyone else. I don’t know why we were driving so fast. Terrified as I was, I was hell-bent on keeping up. Snow flying, wind whistling. Windshield wipers were squeaking back-n-forth. Knuckles white from gripping the steering wheel. I could barely see the cars in front of me.

I focused my attention and followed with determination to reach our destination. As I sped by people, I glanced over and noticed someone giving me the finger as I fishtailed ahead of them. Mile after mile, I kept on his tail until I hit some ice and lost control swaying enough to plunge into the snowy ditch. Mark said he watched me in the rearview mirror. No one was hurt, not even the car, thank goodness. He went to get help. We arrived by tow truck late to our destination.

Following that incident, some individuals may have chosen to exercise caution and avoid taking such risks in the future. However, I viewed it as a chance to enhance my driving skills, which involved persisting with high-speed driving and operating vehicles in hazardous weather. If we are on a journey in severe weather, I assume the role of the designated driver.

I am confident in reaching our destinations safely and on time. And have for over 30 years. I now have learned (the old dog isn’t too old to learn new tricks) that I don’t need to break the law to arrive safely, emotionally grounded, and present. I am now experiencing what it feels like to arrive with everyone in the car feeling emotionally grounded, respected, present, and safe.

It always pays to learn from the lessons gifted to us by the Universe and respond to them when it is time to evolve. Respect Yourself. Value Yourself. We are worthy. Let’s keep evolving together. To increase your level of self-respect, complete the three C.A.L.M. activities below.

P.S. I am taking the rest of August off from podcasting. Clients are calling. I am here to answer their calls as they courageously redefine how they lead while redesigning their businesses.

I will be back in September with Melanie Joy, Ph.D. She has written a new book, How To End Injustice EVERYWHERE: Understanding the Common Denominator Driving all Injustices to Create a Better World for Humans, Animals, and the Planet. I received a reviewer copy; it answers our prayers to end the oppressive insanity in our world! Stay tuned in for more meaningful conversations.

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